“Bad” – Cooperation Series

An edit of an older post.

When the general population thinks of DID they think of things like the movie SPLIT or the SYBIL, both of which portray DID has something scary and bad. Where there are parts of the system who are murderous villains, or who try and do harm to the system or others.

Before I had been diagnosed, I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder Depressive Type. I had been “waking up” to fights with my mom or self-harm. I had experiences where I would watch myself do things that I would never do, and I know none of my parts would ever do (now). My entire attitude towards the people in my head was bad except towards two parts, Adam and Levi.

I hated them. I hated myself. I had villainized these voices because that’s what the world told me to do. I was placed in a group home and I truly believe that getting my diagnosis saved my life. Before I was diagnosed with DID, I was taught to accept my voices and that they didn’t have to be a bad thing.

We went to see a conference with a lovely lady named Rai Waddingham (her twitter is here). I don’t remember much of what she said, but I came out of the conference with an entirely different attitude towards my voices, and that carried over to when I finally got my DID diagnosis.

I still had the mindset that there was going to be a “bad alter”. That stayed for a long time until another one of us parts who is kind of like a monk in a way pushed the rest of us who were either indifferent or angry towards our outcasted part to just chill out about him.

Things started to change after that. We all became closer and I feel like our therapy really took off.

The thing to remember that “Bad” parts are usually either misguided protectors or traumatized parts (or both). In our case, it had been a misguided protector. While a lot of these parts need to go through therapy with a trained therapist (as do all parts) for us we managed to move him into our main headworld space and accept him on our own.

We got diagnosed in 2014, left the group home 9 months later. Up until late 2016, we didn’t have a therapist (we didn’t really have a therapist at the group home either but that’s a story for another day). We did a lot of our therapy ourselves, which is not something we recommend. Though a lot of the things we did and are doing now are things that would have been and are supported by our therapist, we took a huge risk and went through a lot of ups and downs.

With therapy, things have gotten better because our attitude towards each other was still not ideal for healing. When we were getting “new” parts (aka parts were coming back from dormancy) we resisted hard. We didn’t want to grow. We didn’t want more of us. It seemed like it would be more work. It would be bad.

My advice that I hope people gain from this is that treating your parts with kindness can go a long way.

The part I was talking about earlier, his name is Clarence. He’s fitting in with the rest of the system just fine. He helps front, he works as a protector when needed, he has a partner in the system.

– Roo

 

we’re back under the suggestion of our therapist who says our adivice is worth sharing and that it’s helpful for us to have this outlet. We wont be using this blog has an outlet as such, more of a place to keep our advice and share it with others. Old posts are being rewritten, and new posts are coming. Sorry we’ve been gone for so long we’ve been very sick and still are but we need a way to focus less on our pain and more on our system and therapy. 

 

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