Sometimes when people love each other very much and can’t be around each other very often or at all they get lonely. It’s a strange kind of loneliness, a longing is really the best way to describe it. In our system, we get this a lot, full force with each other. Though it may sound strange to some outsiders, we are all our own little families in this system. There are moms and dads, kids, even family pets. It gets hard not being able to touch the ones you love.
This month that’s what I’m trying to focus on it ‘love’. I don’t always mean romantic love, just any kind of love. For this post though I’m focusing on family and romantic love.
A lot of us in this system are so attached to one another and have been together for so long. It wasn’t until we saw the way some other systems act towards each other that we thought maybe our love wasn’t right. Everything in some spaces has to always be so clinical. Not everything is like that.
I’m not saying I don’t have DID or that I don’t have trauma because I do! For sure. All I’m saying is that there are some things that can’t be explained by science.
That’s going in another direction though.
I’ve always thought of my parts as other people not has anything else. So I guess it’s natural that when you shove 37 people into one confined space for long enough they’ll start to fall in love. Then add on the kids needing people to take care of them and you get our little families!
It’s both glorious (to have someone you love) and maddening (because that someone is stuck in your own body with you). Then add on all this doubt about being ‘real’ and you get a pretty potent mix of emotions.
We talk about this to our therapist sometimes, and she always brings up the idea of an invisible string. She says there’s a book she uses with kids who are grieving about how there’s a string that always connects people who love each other. That really calmed us thinking that there is a string that connects all of us together in some way.
We used to be big believers in soulmates, or at least we used to love that writing trope. Even now we can’t help but feel like we were meant to be together, even if it is in this nutty way.
This entire post probably sounds like the ramblings of a madman but I use this blog to express myself, and this is a big part of myself.