Where We’ve Been

Medical talk trigger warning!!

This past week we have been preparing for and having our colonoscopy and endoscopy. The procedure itself was easier than we expected. Though the leading up to and the after effects were not as easy.

I will give one piece of advice, never take the colonoscopy prep drink with the flavor packet mixed in. We knew this ahead of time, but the pharmacy we go through didn’t even give me a chance to say no they mixed it in without asking. I feel like I’ll never be able to enjoy lemon-lime flavored things again! Serve it cold and it goes down a bit easier.

Having D.I.D did make this a bit more complicated. When we first found out we needed one Kenny up and decided that he would be the one to do the procedure and the prep because he didn’t want anyone else going through it. We barely worked on it with our therapist, because we are stoic and didn’t want anyone to know it was bothering us. That and it wasn’t really bothering us until we had to drink the prep. That’s when it hit us what was going on.

A few of us tried to break down Kenny’s barriers around not letting anyone else front for the weekend or Monday (when we got the surgery done). The kids broke through on Saturday, and Kenny spent some time in the regular part of headworld with us just to try and calm the kids down.

When Sunday came though Kenny kept himself pretty hidden off from everyone but Renau. Monday he did the same but Squall and I (Cloud) managed to make it in order to wish him good luck beforehand.

This post is mostly meant to talk about trauma and how it affected our body.

When we had woken up from the anesthesia our doctor came in and told us everything looked fine. They did take one biopsy, but it wasn’t really a big deal. He said we had probably had an infection at some point that just threw our digestive system off.

While that’s great news, that doesn’t really explain all the symptoms to us or anyone else we’ve talked to about it since. We have fatigue, pain in all of our body, along side the stomach issues. We aren’t going to diagnose ourselves, but we’ve heard that this can be a common thing with trauma survivors.

Eventually our body will show that something is wrong, and we’ll have to go in again for another procedure and they’ll be able to diagnose us with something and maybe help us out. For now though our body looks okay, but isn’t actually okay. There’s really nothing we or any doctors can do at the moment.

Trauma affects the entire body, even if it isn’t physical. Holding so much pain in for so long has consequences and we are just now starting to feel them. It sucks, but what really hard is knowing no doctor will take you seriously about something being wrong because all the tests make you seem fine.

Trauma has a funny way of doing that.

Best,

Cloud

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